The last batch of blurry cell phone pictures.

By the way, I got a new digital camera, so this is the last you’ll see of these gross pictures.

So I pulled part of a zucchini, a bell pepper and a jalapeño out of the fridge. I decided I’d make a burrito, since I had leftover tortillas from my enchilada experiment.

This is becoming pretty routine.

I chopped up the vegetables and added in some garlic because…well, duh.

I used the last of my olive oil. Wah.

I found some black beans and tomatoes (with jalapeños) in my food closet. I also grabbed the cumin and, of course, the olive oil. Then I remembered I had some leftover Morningstar “ground beef” in the freezer, so I got that out too. I drained the excess liquid from the tomatoes and black beans.

I would eat this filling all by itself.

I sauteed the fresh vegetables in the oil and cumin first for a few minutes. Then I added the beans and tomatoes. After that, I added the “ground beef” and let it cook until all the excess water was gone.

The burrito folding instructions were on the tortilla wrapper.

I put the filling in the tortilla.

Delicious.

I sprinkled cheese on top, folded it up, and ate it. And it was so delicious that I had to eat another one.

This whole process took about 20 minutes, so I still had time to relax before class. I think this is a great idea to try with my vegetable leftovers from now on.

I took it out of the wrapper before I used it.

According to the Wikipedia page on tempeh, it is a soybean cake that originated in Indonesia. The other meat substitute, tofu, is squishy and hard to work with and also kind of gross (according to…me).

I mean, it looks authentic?

So this is my spicy Szechwan stir-fry sauce that I got in the “ethnic” aisle (the one with the Asian food, pasta, tortillas and matzo ball soup) at Kroger. I know that I could probably make a stir-fry sauce…but I’m sure I would screw it up, and I wanted stir-fry to be something I could just throw together.

Szechwan bath.

So I cut the tempeh into little cubes. I’m not sure how big they were and I don’t know if it totally matters. I didn’t want them to be oddly larger or smaller than anything else I’d throw in the stir-fry, so I planned accordingly. Then I threw them in a baggie, dumped some sauce on top, made sure all the pieces were coated and let them marinate in the fridge for an hour.

After the tempeh was done marinating, I fried it in canola oil for a few minutes. I then set it on a plate lined with paper towels so the excess oil could drain.

Bell pepper, mushroom, carrots, zucchini

I then put some bell pepper, carrots, zucchini, and mushroom (all just vegetables I had sitting in the fridge…as you can tell, I always have bell pepper sitting around) in a pan lightly coated with olive oil. I added my Szechwan sauce and tempeh, and cooked until the veggies were tender.

Ready to eat!

Then I put it over some rice.

Yum.

And I ate it.

ROAD TRIP!

Also, my mother and I are planning to drive the approximately 2,500 miles from Piqua, Ohio, to San Francisco. When I was younger, we never did a ton of traveling. I’ve never been to Disneyworld or seen the Grand Canyon. We’re going to remedy at least one of those this summer (obviously, the one that’s in between Ohio and California).

So what am I doing this summer? Well I got an internship at Mac|Life. I have their link in my sidebar list of links, so you can go check it out. I will probably post more about this as it gets closer to summertime. Until then…just know that you’ll get a barrage of posts in June about driving across the country/living in a new city.

If you were driving to San Francisco, where would you stop along the way?

I bet you think this is totally strange.

Your ingredients: tortillas, 6 eggs, three 8 oz. packages of cream cheese, a jalapeño, garlic, one 15 oz. can of black beans, cumin, chili powder and cayenne pepper.

You still think this is weird.

Chop up your jalapeño and two cloves (or in my case, one totally massive clove) of garlic. While you’re doing this, unwrap the cream cheese and let it just sit there. It needs to get to around room temperature. Well, it doesn’t NEED to, but it’ll make the next step a lot easier.

Not whipped cream.

Beat the cream cheese until it is fluffy. Do not try to do this with a fork, which is what I did. I do not have an electric mixer. You probably do, and you should use it for the sake of your arm.

Post-bath

Rinse and drain your black beans of all the nasty goo that comes on them in the can.

Then, beat the eggs into the cream cheese, followed by all the other ingredients (except tortillas). Then carefully pour the mixture into a tortilla-lined pie tin. I emphasize the word “carefully,” because I got my mixture all over the sink, counter and floor. And my pants.

Scary.

Slide your pie into the oven at 300 degrees for one hour and 45 minutes to two hours.

It still looks weird. I know.

Now you need to put the pie/cake/whatever in the fridge overnight or for eight hours…whichever is longer for you. This is why:

Side view: immediately out of the oven

...8 hours later

And then you eat it.

This is a good dish if you want to impress a foodie. I like it, but I don’t think I would make this for anything other than a special occasion.

So. Much. Cheese.

Here are the ingredients I used in this version of cheese and “sausage” lasagna: spaghetti sauce, ricotta cheese, an egg, lasagna noodles, shredded parmesan, shredded mozzarella, Lightlife brand “ground beef” and nutmeg. Here I will pause to say that I would have used the Morningstar ground beef crumbles, but the entire frozen health food section of the Athens Kroger was empty. Seriously. Row after row of completely empty freezers stared back at me, so I had to go with a new substitute I’d never tried before. The meat-eater who tasted my lasagna says it tastes just like sausage, which is probably why I hate it so much (we’ve covered my hate of sausage before). Also, I ended up using more ricotta and sauce than pictured. In layman’s terms: one big thing and one little thing of Kroger brand ricotta, and a jar and a half of Ragu.

This looks like guts.

Anyway, I dumped the spaghetti sauce out into a bowl and proceeded to mash up the “ground beef/sausage” until it was in pieces that were small enough to my liking. This is probably a good time to preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Noodles!

My lasagna noodles were “no-boil,” but if yours aren’t, you’ll need to boil them until they’re tender, and then make a solid layer of them in the bottom of your baking apparatus (dish? pan? I don’t know).

Chunky, I know.

Next comes a layer of sauce.

Not mashed potatoes.

Now, you need to prepare the ricotta cheese. Beat an egg into it and add nutmeg to taste. I had to do this in a bowl because there was no extra room in the top of the ricotta container, but some brands do allow for extra room. The nutmeg isn’t totally necessary, but I’ve found it really adds something to your lasagna.

Spread it with a spatula, not a fork.

Spread your ricotta mixture in a layer.

This dish is not vegan-friendly.

Then sprinkle mozzarella and parmesan on top of the ricotta. I generally use a TON of cheese here, but you can use less if you’re trying to eat like a normal, healthy person.

Delicious...almost.

Repeat the layer of noodles, and then the other layers in the same order as before until you are out of room/ingredients.

Give it a hat.

Cover it loosely with aluminum foil and send it to the oven to bake for an hour.

Now, usually I tell you what I did while the food was cooking. This time, I made more food!

Yeah, I got a little hungry.

Take your lasagna out of the oven after an hour and (this is important) let it cool for 10-15 minutes before you try to eat it. I obviously didn’t have the will, but…do as I say, not as I do.

My considerations for the next time I make a lasagna:

• Buy fake meat that I know I will like
• Shell out for better spaghetti sauce (Ragu will always just taste like Ragu)
• Make sure the food will fit in the fridge afterwards

Here at OU, we’re on the quarter system. That means we have 10 weeks of class and then a week for finals. It’s currently week nine. Spring Break is so close I can taste it (if, you know, Spring Break were an entity that I could put in my mouth and taste…gross, Amy). I go to class and play with the apps on my iPod. I don’t even try to hide it anymore. Yesterday, the freshmen in my public speaking class were giving speeches while I played Words With Friends in the second row. I’ve already checked out for the quarter, and there’s really nothing I can do about it. Bad? Probably. At least we’re not on semesters.

I had an interview for an internship last night, and I think it went really well. I never can tell with these things, but I have a really good feeling about this one. It seems like it would be a good fit, personality-wise, and the location is just about as far away as I can get from Ohio without leaving the contiguous U.S. Not that location totally matters, but it’s certainly a plus. I was starting to get worried, because I really can’t take a summer internship unless I apply for the journalism school scholarships. That deadline is in about a month. I hadn’t heard back from anywhere I’d applied in about a month and a half, except for the odd rejection letter here or there (“We enjoyed your application blah blah many qualified applicants blah”). I actually only have seven internships crossed out at the moment, although I’m sure I could rule some out based on how long it’s been since I applied.

Next Friday, March 12, I will head up to Columbus to see John Mayer in concert. I know he recently said some really stupid things in Playboy, but if anyone knows a lot about sticking one’s foot in one’s mouth…it’s me. Hopefully he learned his lesson (and I hope he’s not actually a racist). After that, I have a final on Monday and then one on Thursday. Spring Break runs for a week, and around the end of that week I will fly to Baltimore/Washington D.C. to visit my family for Passover.

I will make an effort to report back with something interesting soon.

What an attractive bunch of ingredients.

The recipe calls for various different types of vegetables: some I used, some I didn’t and some I just added because they were sitting in the fridge. Here I have carrots, leftover bell pepper from the stuffed portobellos, a zucchini (hiding behind the carrots) and diced tomatoes with jalapeños. If you like spicy food and have never used canned tomatoes with jalapeños in any recipe, I suggest you go out and buy them right away. They are delicious.

I also have garlic, cumin (the recipe called for it this time) and olive oil for sautéing.

Hungry yet?

So then comes the obvious step of chopping the veggies. The cookbook suggested ratios of vegetables to use, but I just used my own. For example, I used fewer carrots because I don’t like them as much. Also, I opened the tomatoes and drained all the liquid. Do this if you are using anything in a can. I also got out my meat substitute. The recipe called for faux sausage. However, I never liked sausage. Even when I ate meat, I hated sausage. This bag of fake meat is a Morningstar brand “meal starter” in the form of what most closely resembles ground beef.

It was way more delicious than it looks. Promise.

Next, dump everything but the meat substance into your pan and sauté until your veggies are tender. I actually let the carrots stay a little crunchy, just because I like them better that way. Add salt and pepper as you see fit. I also added a little bit of oregano. Once the vegetables are tender, add in the fake meat and let the whole thing cook until there is no more water (my “ground beef” was frozen so there was quite a bit of excess water).

Staples of Americanized Mexican food.

Now it is time to get your tortillas, cheese and enchilada sauce ready. (Also, preheat your oven to 350 degrees.) Unfortunately, I did not have any enchilada sauce in my fridge. I did have an entire unopened container of salsa, so I went with that. The recipe calls for cheddar cheese. I, personally, prefer…well, I just don’t really like cheddar cheese. I know, what’s wrong with me? This bag is a mix of Monterey Jack and something else that I don’t remember, but it’s delicious. I think any shredded cheese will work.

I am a poor enchilada-roller

The vegetable mixture now gets spooned into the tortillas. The recipe doesn’t say to put cheese inside, but I wanted to, so I did. I actually found out during this process that I am awful at rolling up any sort of substance inside a tortilla. I ended up making a tube first, and then putting the mixture inside. That actually didn’t work much better. I think I just need practice. Luckily, this part just impacts the aesthetics of the enchiladas and not the taste.

Looks cozy in there, doesn't it?

As you can see, I ended up with four very fat enchiladas. My cookbook says that two enchiladas are a serving, but I think I made them in a way that one is plenty. Anyway, as you fill up your tortillas, put them in a baking pan.

And then I smothered them to death.

The real recipe called for me to coat the tortillas with enchilada sauce before I filled them, and then dump the remainder of the sauce on top. Since I was using salsa…I decided to just dump the whole jar on top of the enchiladas. My cooking is all a process of trial and error. Then, dump cheese on the top. The recipe has some sort of arbitrary measurement. I really like melted cheese, so I used a lot of cheese.

Now your enchiladas go in the oven for 15-20 minutes. And you don’t wander very far, so as not to forget that you’re cooking something and accidentally cause a kitchen catastrophe.

Seriously, the best juice in the world.

What did I do for 15-20 minutes? Well, I washed all my dishes. Yeah mom, I cleaned up after myself! Then I sat down with some white grape juice (my favorite juice) and waited. I also looked out my living room window for awhile and saw some drunk people. Have I mentioned it was 1:30 p.m.? Some people just can’t handle college, I guess.

Look at all those clean dishes back there.

What’s that smell? I bet your food is done. Why don’t you check? When your food is done, it’ll look kind of like a tortilla lasagna. It looks a lot like a lasagna, and now I really want to make a lasagna…but I don’t have enough ricotta cheese. Sad face.

This plate is far too small for this giant enchilada.

Then you put an enchilada on a (more appropriately sized) plate and taste it. By “taste it,” I mean “eat the whole thing.”

So how was it? Well, it was delicious. Next time, I will make sure to have enchilada sauce, just because I think the salsa may have been a little overpowering. Or maybe I will make sure it is mild salsa. Also, the “ground beef” had a really convincing consistency. Of all the soy products I’ve tried thus far, and I’ve tried most of them, I’d have to recommend this over most others. I was also unsure how I felt about putting zucchini in an enchilada, but I’m now convinced it was a good idea.

This is a good recipe to make if you need to whip something up for a group of people and you’re not sure what they like. Also, if you’re trying to cook for a picky vegetarian (ooh, ooh, like me!), this is a good bet. You can substitute ingredients that they like into the enchiladas.

I have some black beans sitting in my cupboard, so next time I might try it with those. What else would you put in your veggie enchiladas?

Anyway, now I’m 20 and I think mushrooms are delicious.

I recently got a vegetarian cookbook with a recipe in it for stuffed portobello mushrooms. Stuffing a mushroom sounds kind of hard, right? Well, it’s actually a really easy recipe. It’s also a recipe that can be personalized: that is, to say, you don’t need to strictly follow the recipe.

So first, you gather the necessary ingredients. I only have a camera phone and not an actual camera, so please bear with the quality of my pictures.

My ingredients.

As you can see, I (obviously) have my portobello mushrooms. I also have a green bell pepper, three cloves of garlic, and a pile of spices (basil, marjoram and thyme). As anyone who’s ever lived with me can vouch, I love garlic and green bell peppers. I have been known to pull a bell pepper out of the fridge and take a bite out of it, just like I would an apple. The recipe actually calls for yellow and red bell peppers, but I had green ones in the fridge. Now, preheat the oven to 425 degrees. And then…

Do this to your ingredients.

make your ingredients look like this.

I should probably never write a cookbook. If you’re using a green bell pepper, chop it into small pieces. Also, chop your garlic into small pieces. If you’re using some other vegetable, chop that into small pieces. Also, if your portobello mushrooms weren’t prepackaged (mine were), they may come with the stems attached. You should cut that off, so your portobellos look like the previously pictured mushrooms.

If you have excess mushroom that you just cut off, you can discard it or chop it up and add it to the rest of your chopped up vegetables. Yes, you can stuff your mushrooms with…mushrooms.

And off they go!

Place the plain portobello mushrooms on a greased baking sheet and slide them in the oven. Leave them in for 15 minutes.

Preparing to sauté

Now you will prepare to sauté your chopped ingredients. I added my favorite spice, cumin (which one Dusty Harvey cleverly refers to as “human” every time I get it out of the food cupboard). Use just enough olive oil to cover the bottom of your pan, so as not to be left with a super-oily end product.

You will sauté for a grand total of about 10 minutes, only adding in the basil/marjoram/thyme (if you use it) for the last two or three minutes. You will also want to add some salt. Maybe some pepper, if that’s your thing. So, heat up the pan and dump in the ingredients…

Post-sauté

and you will end up with something that vaguely resembles this blurry picture of sauteed peppers/garlic/cumin/herbs. Right about now, you should get your cheese ready.

Cheeses

Kroger really should give me a product placement deal. Once you stuff your mushrooms, you will top them with cheese(s). The recipe in my cookbook called for mozzarella and feta. I decided not to alter that instruction, since these are my two most favorite cheeses.

It seems like it’s been about 15 minutes, right? Take your mushrooms out of the oven. As you will notice from my previous pictures of the mushrooms, “stuffing” of the portobellos might be a misleading term. We’re kind of just piling stuff on top of them. Also, one of my mushrooms was more closed on the top than the other. This is totally fine. The more closed one will be more of a “stuffed” portobello mushroom, while the more open one will be…a “loaded” portobello or something.

Ready for the oven

Now scoop the sauteed mixture onto the mushrooms and top with cheeses, in whatever ratio you choose. If one of your mushrooms is more open on the top, you may have to load the veggies and cheese into it a little more carefully to avoid spillage. Then put them back in the oven for 10 minutes.

Occupy yourself for 10 minutes

I decided to watch the snow for the 10 minutes my portobellos were cooking. This is mostly because the baseboard is right below this window and my feet were freezing. You probably shouldn’t wander far since 10 minutes isn’t very long. My kitchen and living room are attached, so I was fine.

They're ready!

When it hits 10 minutes, take them out of the oven. And look! The cheese might be a little brown, but it shouldn’t be burnt. Anyone in the vicinity will probably be really jealous. You can go ahead and pretend that you have mad cooking skills and these were super hard to make.

Eat it.

And now, the really fun part. Eat it. Eat both of them. Don’t share! You deserve both of them.

My take on this recipe: if you are a really awful cook, start with something like this. It is really, really hard to screw up this dish. I know, because I screw up food all the time. Portobellos are also really filling, which makes them a good vegetarian entree. So any other beginning vegetarian cooks out there: you should make this. Also, if you have any ideas of what else would go good inside a portobello mushroom, let me know in the comments!

I feel like religion is probably a very different thing for each person. For me, it’s not even really about beliefs. I go to services, but not regularly. When I go, I don’t know all the words to the prayers. The words I have memorized over the years don’t really resonate with me, because they’re in Hebrew.

When I was 11 or 12, I told my mom I was an atheist. She didn’t seem too shocked, since this pronouncement came shortly after I declared I was a vegetarian and pierced my own nose. If you’ve never been a 12-year-old girl in rural Ohio, you probably won’t understand the anger and rebellion behind all of that. I was the “smart kid” back when it was much, much cooler to be a moron.

But I wanted a nose piercing. And I thought people were treating animals really, really badly. And 12-year-old me didn’t understand a concept of God who would allow wars or cancer or really really mean girls named Brittany. I just decided he didn’t exist, and I announced this to my mother, who had long since stopped listening to my dramatic proclamations (“Mom, I’m going to arts high school…IN MICHIGAN“).

As I got older, I realized that I’m never going to definitively know if God exists. It’s just one of those things. Some people are really, really strong in their faith. Judaism is all about letting people interpret things how they want to interpret them. Maybe my mom knew that meant I’d wander off for awhile and eventually come back. She probably knew I would miss the raucous family gatherings, the wine, the singing, the matzo ball soup and…well, everything else.

I’m still not very religious. I don’t pray unless I’m throwing up or riding in a car with a lousy driver. I’ve slowly begun re-immersing myself in Jewish culture, though, in my own way. My work study job is at Hillel. Even if I don’t necessarily participate in religious activities, I’m surrounded by the culture that I grew up with. And I guess, in some weird way, that’s comforting.

Plus, I’ve got my Hebrew name tattooed on my back. That counts for something, right?Yes, I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetery (in case you were wondering).